I have always loved to dance. As an adult adoptee, a bio mom, and an adoptive mom, I dance between love and loss regularly. I dance with joy over small victories and small signs of acceptance. I dance to escape pain and to avoid obvious rejection from my family(ies). Let me continue to dance with the pain, the understanding, the surrender, His plan, and not faint.

Psalm 69:4

It says, “I have been forced to restore what I did not steal.”

I came across this verse in church on Sunday, and it speaks to my search.  I did not steal my history from myself.  It was stolen, sealed, locked away, only to be seen by social workers–even 24ish year old social workers’ eyes were privy.

I came to a place (triggered/inspired by adopting our own little girl from Haiti) where I wanted to restore what had been stolen–knowledge of my complete identity.

I know who I am in my family–my adoptive family.  I don’t have to research and dig to define myself within that family.  And, my ancestry is only a few questions away in that family.  I can just ask my aunts and uncles questions about whatever I want.  We talk.  I love them.

But my birth family is a completely different matter . . . if I want to restore what has been taken/hidden from me, I must fight tooth and nail as most of them still choose to deny me.   I am thankful for the internet, and for the sweet sweet birthfamily members who have opened their hearts to me and consider me family.  We can talk, and we do a little.  I love them.

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