This is just ridiculous. I absolutely feel like I’ve been punched in the stomach all day. There is no explanation for it, no way to really describe it. Just punched . . . punched down. If I dig a little, I could cry . . .and nothing has changed re: my birthfamily since yesterday. It’s just a feeling. I’d say depression. I’d say sadness and loss. It has gotten the best of me today, and I’m not sure why.
I wake up every day thinking about them. I think about my birthmom, my birthdad, my siblings, my aunts, my cousin, my grandparents . . . all the ones who will not acknowledge me/talk to me. I think about the ones who have welcomed me–great uncles and great aunts, cousins on both sides–who email me, talk to me on the phone, communicate all kinds of ways.
I am so thankful for them. I miss them. I do wish that I lived closer to them. I would visit them more often. And I immediately start thinking about how and when I can get that direction again.
I am thankful for the ones who don’t speak to me just because they are who they are–I am related to them. And they absolutely BREAK MY HEART. 😦
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